Abs: the hard truth

By Julz Darroch

Want to finally get the abs you've always dreamed of? Forget the 'easy six pack in six days', Julz Darroch has the real secrets to a washboard stomach.

Fake abs

There is a better way!

If you pray every night for God to swap Justin Beiber for good set of abs you are not alone. (Well, you probably are alone but that's because you know who Justin Beiber is, not because your abs are wobbly).

Unfortunately great abs don't come with the basic model human, even if you did come with the queer upgrade; they are add on extras requiring a bit of hard work (or a good plastic surgeon and a ‘special friend' with a bottomless bank account).

So, if your abs are less washboard and more washing machine and drier combo and you chose your nearest and dearest for love not money then you're going to have to do some work.

Before you hit the mat for a kazillion crunchies you need to know that doing a kazillion crunchies is like totally 1987- so get up from the floor cowboy and let's do this properly.

BUT WAIT!! Are you are tempted by watching too much morning television and are thinking that one of those hoodickies that tone your abs, straighten your hair and give you a fat free roast in 17 minutes may do the trick? Are you are wondering if it's worth your 33 easy payments of just $99.99 to get a bikini ready body and a hot man (or laydee) hanging off your arm?

Disco Abs ad

Disco abs anyone?

The infomercials aren't ACTUALLY lying when they say you can get awesome abs with just 3 minutes a day on their abserciser 6000 pro BUT you need to read the fine print (or get someone else to if you're a bit shortsighted and too vain to wear glasses) to find out that you will need to do their simple no calorie diet programme and engage in some serious cardio all day, every day to ensure best (or any results). Stink!!

But fear not, Julz is here to once again to wave my magic wand and make everything alright. Heck, I'll even give you a no calorie diet and vomit inspiring cardio workout if you like!

But before you call 0800saintjulz with your credit card details I'll give you some tips for free….

UP FIRST YOUR ANATOMY LESSON: A bit about your core…Your core (that's swishy lingo for your abs and lower back) is made up of a few bits and pieces. Your lower back is located (hopefully) just above your butt. It makes sure your spine doesn't wiggle around the place and assists with bending and walking and arching.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo has a particularly nice core

In the front you have your rectus abdominus; in the old days we called these our ‘upper abs', even though they go below our belly button as well as above the waist. These muscles are external so don't have much ‘sucking in' power for less than trim tummies. However, they are the top couple of your 6 pack so we don't ignore them completely.

Our transverse abdominals are below our waist and hang out underneath our rectus abdominals. These are the secret to tighten abs - with careful and regular work on these muscles you keep the focus of all on your muff not your muffins!

The third part of your abdominal ménage a trois are your obliques, they wrap round the sides, providing shapely deliciousness.

Your ab workout will need to include exercises to work each of these parts for maximum results.

DURING YOUR AB WORKOUT: You need to focus on squeezing your abs in while doing any abdominal work.

Imagine you are wearing a pair of tiiiight trousers that suck everything in just nicely, your belly bit below your waist should feel restrained but you should still be able to breathe (just).

Abdominals should feel contracted throughout your routine; as soon as you relax your abs will turn off and let your lower back do the work.

HERE'S THE STINKY OLD TRUTH: Getting abdominals looking ‘awesome naked' involves having small amounts of body fat - as important as strong muscles.

Low body fat is, unfortunately a feat needing a bit, or a lot, of discipline and no Tim Tams or takeaways for a very long time.

Still keen on a good set of abs? Cross the treats off the shopping list, go to the Julz Darroch website and head through to julzercize for your ultimate GayNZ ab workout. (No easy payments required…)

Julz Darroch is a Wellington-based Personal Trainer and Fitness Educator with 15 years of experience in the fitness industry.

Julz Darroch

Send your fitness-related questions and personal training enquiries to julzdarroch@actrix.co.nz

Originally published by GayNZ.com 20th July 2010; republished with permission.

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